There’s a lot of skepticism about President Trump’s negotiations with North Korea, and how difficult it will be to persuade the hermit kingdom to give up its nuclear weapons. But it may be possible if – IF – we offer North Korea what they need most. I’m talking about surnames.
Yes, surnames. North Korea isn’t just a poor country: It’s so poor they don’t have enough names to go around. Half the population is named Kim, Lee or Park. Imagine how hard it must be to run the country if they can’t even publish a useful phonebook. Okay, they don’t have phones either, but you get the idea. No wonder they want to lash out at everyone.
South Korea has the same problem but overcame it by giving everyone a Samsung cell phone. They probably have an app to tell all the namesakes apart.
So our negotiators can expedite denuclearization of North Korea by stationing a ship full of surnames off the coast, ready for immediate distribution once destruction of the nukes has been verified.
The United States is rich in surnames, many of which are overstocked: Smith, Johnson, Williams, etc. An exchange program could encourage some of the Joneses and Garcias to change their names to Kim or Park. Democrats would get behind this because they are all about diversity. Van Jones would get even more airtime on CNN as Kim Van.
Support from celebrities would clinch the deal. I’ll bet Beyonce, Cher and Snooki would donate their unused surnames to the cause of world peace. Other celebrities could license their names as a perk to win over North Korea’s ruling elite. Kardashian Jong Un has a nice ring to it.
Surnames for North Korea. It just might work.