Best music I ever heard

Another story from my Navy days…

The hour before dawn usually is a quiet time aboard ship. On this morning all hands are on deck for underway replenishment, the regular delivery of fuel and supplies that sustains our tiny minesweeper on a two-month patrol off the Vietnamese coast. This is our lifeline for fuel, food, ammunition, spare parts and different movies. If we’re lucky there’s mail from home by way of the Philippines and an aircraft carrier in the Gulf of Tonkin.

We’re on course for a scheduled rendezvous with a seagoing gas station and supermarket known as an oiler. On the crowded bridge, we track the oiler on radar and establish voice radio contact. Both ships are darkened under wartime conditions, and we don’t see the other ship until floodlights are turned on when we’re a few hundred yards apart. On the deck below, men turn up dungaree jacket collars against a light rain and tropic night chill, and put on orange lifejackets and battered hard hats. The deck force is rigging cargo gear while the engine room gang prepares for refueling.

It’s called underway replenishment because both ships are moving. Once the oiler is in sight we approach the larger ship from behind to pull alongside. The oiler’s stern looms over us, higher than our bridge, as we batter through the big ship’s wake and along the grey cliff of her side to move into position 50 feet away.

A whistle blows and a shot line, a lightweight rope fired from a rifle, arcs over our ship and is caught. Heavier lines are pulled across, blocks and tackle are rigged and soon the two ships are strapped together with a trolley-like highline and a heavy fuel hose. Larger ships use winches but small ships like ours do it the old-fashioned way with a line of men digging their heels into the pitching deck to pull cargo nets of supplies and barrels of lube oil over the churning water between the two ships. Occasionally we transfer a man between ships in a specially designed chair.

On the bridge the officer of the deck focuses on holding our ship alongside the oiler, matching the larger ship’s course and speed and maintaining a 50-foot distance to keep the lines between the two ships taut. This is precision shiphandling: leaning over the bridge rail to concentrate on a rope with markings that measures the distance between the two hulls, and shouting orders down the voicepipe to the pilothouse below to correct the course one degree, two degrees, and adjust the speed of the engines a revolution or two at a time.

A telephone line has been rigged between the two ships and our captain is talking with the skipper of the oiler. Down on deck, a man signals the other ship with paddles to heave the line or pay it out. Signalmen on each ship exchange wisecracks in semaphore shorthand. Off-duty crewmen on the oiler peer down at us and wave.

Then we hear the music.

Music! High above us on the oiler’s focsle a band is playing, a combo of sailors in dungarees belting out a rock beat through a scratchy loudspeaker. They play in the rain, risking electrocution to entertain the two crews and making up for their lack of talent with raw amplification.

Centuries ago sailors on square-riggers used sea chanteys to add rhythm to the heavy work of raising sails and turning the capstan, and the oiler’s rock band does the same for us. The music breaks the tension on the bridge and brings smiles to the faces of the deck force.

Finally our tanks are full and the last cargo net has been emptied. Orders are passed for the breakaway and dripping ropes are pulled aboard. Once we are unstrapped from the oiler, the officer of the deck gives the order to turn away from the larger ship… and exhales.

The ship settles back into routine as the crew stows equipment and hoses and carries boxes of supplies below. The rain has stopped and the aroma of bacon cooking in the galley mixes with the diesel fumes from the stack. The oiler recedes from view as it continues up the coast to do it all over again, amateur musicians and all, for the next ship up the line. We will do this again ourselves in a few days. And there’s mail.

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Budget cuts and bureaucrats

Booo! Sequestration is coming! Our military will be hollowed out! Toddlers will be ejected from Head Start classrooms! Our food will immediately spoil in the absence of federal inspectors! All medical research will be scrapped!

That’s what politicians and the news media are saying. Do you believe them? I don’t.

How drastic are the cuts? We’re talking about a 7 percent cut to defense and a 5 percent cut to federal agencies — most of which received double-digit budget increases in the last few years.

In the private sector,  budget cuts of this magnitude are not a big deal. When I was a manager in a Bell Telephone company during the telecommunications reorganization of the 1970s and 80s, annual budget cuts were routine. My group was chronically understaffed and absorbed additional responsibilities as the company downsized. In one case the department where I worked was cut by half.

But here’s the difference: Private companies need to compete for business and cannot afford cuts to customer service. So the telephone company I worked for cut thousands of jobs while leaving its service centers and installation-repair force at full strength. We eliminated layers of management, contracted-out support services and slashed headquarters staffs. It was a big change for us but our customers never noticed the difference.

There are many ways to cut an organization’s budget and managers have choices. So it’s always puzzled me that government agencies are unable to make cuts that won’t inconvenience the public. Can government bureaucrats be that inept as managers? Or, do they deliberately choose cuts that will have the most impact so that taxpayers will pony up? That’s the impression I get when my local school district cuts teaching positions without reducing administration, or when the state government cuts funding for daycare centers while leaving bureaucrats’ jobs intact.

So the coming federal sequestration is no catastrophe. It will pinch the Department of Defense, which has already taken budget cuts and is constrained by long-term commitments. But I suspect the decision to cancel deployment of an aircraft carrier is more showmanship than austerity.

Some government employees will be furloughed temporarily but will still have jobs – unlike the millions of private sector workers who lost jobs while the federal government added 250,000 employees between 2007 and 2011.

But this modest dent in the massive federal budget will play out as high drama. National parks will close. Programs for disadvantaged children will be curtailed. TV reporters will have a field day covering a daily drumbeat of public pain. And President Obama will travel around the country, at $181,000 an hour on Air Force One, to make his pitch for higher taxes.

No one is forcing the government to inconvenience the public. There are many other ways to save money. The government could declare a moratorium on travel and conferences. (The President could set the example by staying in Washington for a while.) Federal agencies could furlough their headquarters staffs and postpone issuing new regulations. The State Department could delay aid payments to places like Egypt and Palestine. Entire agencies, such as the Environmental Protection Agency, could shut down completely for a month or two. But that won’t happen because nobody would notice.

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Background checks and American Express

One of the more sensible ideas emerging from the political soap opera of gun control is requiring a background check for everyone who purchases a firearm. That’s a great idea, but can we trust the government to do this? Not because the feds might use the data for sinister purposes, as some gun owners fear, but because there’s a good chance the government will screw it up.

Some government information systems work pretty well, of course: My Social Security checks are deposited on time and I’m certain the IRS will catch me if fail to file a tax return. But there also are spectacular failures such as widespread fraud in welfare payments and millions in erroneous tax refunds to incarcerated felons.

The Navy’s computers can guide a cruise missile to demolish a bunker hundreds of miles away. Yet when I was in the Naval Reserve my unit’s paychecks were regularly delayed or scrambled by the Navy’s computerized pay system. Different computer, I hope.

My home state of New Mexico has chronic problems managing information. Every year or so some sort of computer glitch causes massive inconvenience to citizens or employees. Most recently a bungled transition to a new computer system delayed unemployment benefit payments for thousands of people. The state’s paper-based prison records have resulted in the early release of dangerous felons.

The private sector seems to do a better job of housebreaking its databases. Banks, utilities and retailers routinely handle millions of transactions and errors are relatively rare. When someone tried to use my credit card number to book a flight in London last year, the airline caught it and the credit card company took immediate action.

Private companies also are better than government agencies at sharing information. If I apply for a Discover card, the folks there will know whether I’ve missed any payments on my Visa card. Yet judges in New Mexico often are unaware that a defendant has prior convictions in the next county or is registered as a sex offender in another state. The State of New Mexico is having difficulty verifying the citizenship status of registered voters because of delays in getting information from the federal Department of Homeland Security.

People laughed when former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich suggested outsourcing the immigration database to American Express to reduce errors and fraud. But if the feds are serious about keeping criminals from buying firearms, this may be the best solution for universal background checks for gun purchases.

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Clinging to gun control

I can’t help getting cynical about the current political spasm of gun control. The horrific massacre of schoolchildren by a mentally unbalanced shooter unquestionably was a tragedy and demands action. So what’s the instinctive response? Make it harder for sane, law-abiding people to own guns.

President Obama’s anti-gun rhetoric is a bonanza for the firearms business and has significantly increased the number of weapons in circulation. The dramatic increase in gun sales may be his most successful economic stimulus to date. (What is it about the guy that makes people want to run out and buy a gun whenever he opens his mouth?)

Banning assault weapons sounds reasonable and I’m all for improving background checks. The problem is that restricting gun ownership has never deterred mass shootings, even in tightly regulated places like Norway. We’re kidding ourselves if we think this will prevent the next bloodbath. No gun control law will keep the homicidally deranged (or your average gangbanger) from getting firearms.

If we’re serious about preventing tragedy, it’s more productive to identify and treat a relatively small number of sick puppies than to limit the rights of millions of law-abiding gun owners. Mental health treatment was an afterthought in the President’s proposal. The state of Colorado is taking more substantive action with a proposal to expand mental health treatment and include commitment records in firearms background checks.

Treating the mentally ill saves their lives, too. Here in Albuquerque, we’ve seen a surge in shootings by police officers. Most of the victims had mental health problems and were shot when they displayed weapons and posed an apparent threat to the cops.

Unfortunately, overhauling mental health treatment is a complicated issue. It’s easier for politicians to demonize the National Rifle Association than pick a fight with the American Civil Liberties Union over the rights of the mentally ill.

The gun control argument also highlights our country’s cultural divide (and widens it, thanks to President Obama’s unerring instinct for wedge issues).

I grew up in gun control country: I knew very few gun owners, and support for gun control was the default position of most people I encountered. My hometown of Oak Park, Ill., was one of the first communities to enact a handgun ban in 1984 and even gratuitously declared itself a nuclear-weapon-free zone. I wrote a letter to the local paper: I’m okay with the handgun ban, but if we can’t have nuclear weapons how can we protect our families?

Now I live in gun country. New Mexico has no gun registration except for concealed-carry permits. Hunting is popular here, and it’s not unusual to hear about a homeowner or shopkeeper shooting a would-be robber. The state votes Democratic but its Congressional delegation gets favorable ratings from the NRA. Recently 30 of the state’s 33 county sheriffs held a news conference in Santa Fe to declare their opposition to the President’s assault weapons ban.

I suspect that New Mexico, and a lot of other states, are foreign to some of the media folks and academics who believe we should act more like Europeans and dismiss those who “cling to guns or religion.”

Personally, I am agnostic on guns. I’m grateful I never had to use the pistol I carried in Vietnam. I had lots of fun practice-shooting a Thompson submachine gun but have no desire to own one. Eventually I may get a handgun at home – my neighborhood has occasional burglaries – but am in no hurry. Most of my neighbors are armed and that makes me feel safer.

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It doesn’t have to make sense (corporate edition)

My experience in the Navy was good preparation for a career in a giant corporation. That’s because both government and corporate bureaucracies do well-intentioned things that turn out to be idiotic and comical.

The Dilbert comic strip has a big following among corporate employees who are convinced that cartoonist Scott Adams worked for their company. (Actually, he worked for a unit of my company.)

The telephone company where I worked was well managed and did most things right, but perpetrated occasional nonsense when earnest ideas had unintended consequences. To encourage employees to show up for work, the company gave awards for perfect attendance. One of my people was a week away from a five-year attendance award when she came down with the flu. She dragged herself into work nevertheless, was awarded her pen-and-pencil set and infected several co-workers. My group’s attendance went to hell that month.

One year the company launched a massive employee suggestion program and, to encourage participation, awarded a prize to every employee who submitted a suggestion. So there were LOTS of suggestions, most of which were ill informed and utterly useless. As the publisher of the employee magazine, I had to respond to scores of suggestions claiming that some backwoods printer could print 50,000 copies of the magazine at lower cost than my high-volume supplier in Chicago. Then I started getting calls from printers — we just talked to your new purchasing agent – who quickly backed off when I explained our requirements.   

When I was the project manager of a departmental computer system, I was dismayed to learn that my modest array of off-the-shelf servers and word processors required the same approval process as a custom-built mainframe mega-system. The Kafkaesque labyrinth of reviews and approvals took a solid year and involved surreal conversations such as: Q- Why does the network planning department require two months to sign off on the project? A- They have to log it.

Bureaucratic procedures can be an excuse for merriment. A factory where I worked distributed a safety bulletin on every on-the-job injury and included a photo of the accident scene. Most of us didn’t read these bulletins. Then a hapless employee was injured in the washroom when he got up from the toilet and somehow bumped his head on the toilet paper dispenser. The safety guys were unable to resist issuing a bulletin on the freak accident with an obligatory photo of the toilet stall. Everybody read it.

In my post-corporate career as a freelancer my old company was one of my clients. One day I got a form letter from the accounting department announcing that all suppliers would be paid in 90 days instead of the customary 30 days. My first call was to the company’s local telephone office to ask if their new accounts payable policy meant I could pay my phone bill in 90 days. The service rep and I had a good laugh. I maintained my cash flow by raising my rates and offering a discount for payment in 30 days. I’ll bet most of the company’s suppliers did likewise.

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It doesn’t have to make sense

When I was young and figuring out how to use my brain, I became fascinated with logic and was intensely frustrated when I encountered things that did not make sense. Then I joined the Navy and learned that reason and logic are desirable but not strictly necessary.

My training in Officer Candidate School probably was intended to make us adaptable and resilient. We were taught to march down the right side of the street and then suddenly were ordered to march on the left. It was not uncommon for the loudspeaker to announce a change in the uniform of the day as we were running out of the barracks for the morning formation. So I learned to cope with uncertainty and concluded that capricious nonsense was normal in the Navy.

On coastal patrol in Vietnam, we were required to check the papers of every junk we boarded. The papers were written in Vietnamese. None of us could read Vietnamese but we dutifully checked the papers every time. Yep, they’ve got papers.

When I led boarding parties I was instructed to have a pistol in my hand while supervising my team. Then we got orders to fill out a form for each junk we boarded, so I had a pistol and a clipboard. This presented a dilemma: what to do with the pistol while filling out the form. Ask the Vietnamese to hold the gun while I write? Not a good idea. So we assigned two officers to each boarding party: one to hold the gun and the other to fill out the form. During my first cruise to Vietnam I read Joseph Heller’s Catch-22 and understood it perfectly.

Fortunately, the Navy has people who counter official nonsense with clever pragmatism. When my reserve center had a shortage of lodging for weekend reservists, the commanding officer came up with a solution. “We found an unused building on the base that’s equipped with bunks,” he said. “We cannot use it officially as a barracks because that would require spending money we don’t have to bring the building up to code. But your guys can sleep there if they want. Just don’t call it a barracks.”

My retirement from the Naval Reserve was true to form. I submitted papers in August to retire in November. In September I was notified that as a superannuated senior officer, I would be reviewed by a continuation board and forced to retire if deemed useless to the Navy. I’m already retiring, I thought, so this doesn’t affect me. In November I officially retired: My paperwork was in order, they rang the bell and blew the bosun’s pipe, and everybody saluted. In December, however, I received a certified letter notifying me that I was AWOL for missing my reserve meeting and might be kicked out of the Navy. Finally, in January, I received a letter congratulating me that the continuation board had approved my retention in the Navy. This made no sense at all but, hey, my pension checks are arriving.

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The picket lines in our future

The new right-to-work law in Michigan has been great political theater and may signal an interesting trend for government, politics and the American labor movement.

President Obama’s election in 2008 was hailed as a victory for organized labor. His administration is the most blatantly pro-union in recent history. Yet unions have been decisively defeated in Wisconsin, Indiana and Michigan. More setbacks for unions appear likely as the economic gap widens between right-to-work and compulsory-union states, and as local taxpayers confront the unsustainable costs of public employee unions.

The union response has been traditional picket-line theater with chanting mobs and thuggish threats of blood and civil war: predictable and so 20th-century. The argument that workers will not join unions unless required by law is an admission of weakness. The invocation of union history and the 40-hour week, etc., makes me wonder whether unions have worked themselves out of a job and what they’ve done for their members lately.

State right-to-work laws are significant because our federal system often makes states the bellwether of change. States are leading on issues such as gay marriage and legalized marijuana, and if this trend continues our dysfunctional national government will eventually follow. Limitations on union power may be on the same trajectory.

I’m no fan of unions, but I’d hate to see them disappear because they play a useful role in the private economy as a check on management stupidity. Unions win about half of certification elections, and the threat of unionization is a potent force in keeping employers honest. But they’re a drag on the economy when they kill jobs, block free-trade agreements and bankrupt cities.

Unions are overdue for reform and have an opportunity to re-invent themselves if they choose. There is no reason why unions cannot thrive in a right-to-work environment if they are accountable to their members and make a persuasive case for voluntary payment of union dues. That would be a big change, however: Unions operate like Third-World governments with far less transparency and accountability than corporations, and their leaders are more accustomed to coercion than persuasion.

Unions won’t reform on their own, of course. Union monopolies finance the Democratic Party, and elected officials will use their considerable power to maintain the status quo. One of the ironies of progressive politics is that folks who are pro-choice on abortion are required to be anti-choice when it comes to joining a union or selecting a public school. That makes no more sense than the conservative coupling of economic freedom with Christian Sharia law.

It’s going to be interesting to see what happens.

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Eating my way through Chicago

I just returned from a visit to my hometown of Chicago. I get back to Chicago about once a year to reconnect with friends and relations and, on this trip, spend Thanksgiving with my kids. My secondary agenda, however, is getting my Chicago food fix.

Probably most of us have an emotional attachment to the food of our childhood. I grew up on hearty European fare with my mother’s Hungarian recipes, my great-uncle’s homemade sausage and the culinary richness of Chicago’s ethnic diversity.

Not that Albuquerque is a gastronomic desert. New Mexico has its own regional variation of Mexican cuisine and a growing variety of other restaurants, but many of the immigrant groups that have nourished Chicago never made it to the Southwest.

So my annual visit to Chicago includes a checklist of my favorite foods that are unavailable or inadequate in Albuquerque. This year’s chow-down included:

  • German food – sauerbraten and strudel at the Brauhaus and lunch at the Berghof. The crusty, ex-Wehrmacht waiters at the Berghof are gone but the food is still great.
  • Greek food at the Greek Islands: lamb with artichokes, Roditys wine and Saganaki (photo at left). This flaming cheese appetizer originated in Chicago. The waiter sets the stuff on fire and everybody yells “Opaa!” which may be Greek for “the cheese is burning.”
  • Czech food: roast duck and dumplings at the Riverside restaurant.
  • Two different Chinese restaurants.
  • A half-pound burger on rye bread with a compressed brick of onion rings at Hackney’s.
  • A new experience with Indian food at the Curry Hut.
  • Italian beef sandwiches, mostly unavailable outside Chicago.
  • And no visit to Chicago would be complete without deep-dish pizza.

Chicago also has memorable Italian restaurants, but so does Albuquerque. I don’t even bother to visit Chicago’s excellent Mexican restaurants… coals to Newcastle, you know.

When I took a side trip to Madison, Wisconsin, my recovering-vegetarian son took me to a lively brew-pub for a hearty Walleye sandwich. Inexplicably, they did not serve bratwurst. You’d think this would be some sort of zoning law in Wisconsin. 

This 12-day pig-out was culminated with my daughter’s Thanksgiving dinner. Now that I’m back home, I will be spending next week at the gym. Then I’ll be ready for a green chile fix.

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How I learned to love the bomb

I grew up in the nuclear age. My grade school had duck-and-cover air raid drills, and as the Cold War intensified nuclear weapons had a pervasive impact on popular culture with films such as Seven Days in May and the black comedy Dr. Strangelove.

It was in this environment in 1964 that the Navy assigned me to Sandia Base, a joint-forces nuclear weapons headquarters in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Even though my duties were administrative, much of our work was classified Top Secret. At the end of each day, every piece of paper (and even the typewriter ribbons) went into a safe. Every office was checked and doublechecked to make sure no classified information was in desk drawers or wastebaskets. One of my chores was to make the final security check of the admiral’s office after he left for the day, including opening every drawer of his desk. Security teams conducted random inspections at night, and there were consequences if they found an unlocked safe or a combination jotted on a calendar pad.

Working with such tight security was surprisingly painless once I got used to it. The base did a clever job of boosting security awareness with slogans on posters, napkins and coffee coasters.  At one point they had a guy in a suit of armor walking the halls shouting security slogans. Hi there, Sergeant Adams. Shh—I’m supposed to be Sir Guard.

Many of the walls in the headquarters building were decorated with color photos of nuclear detonations. I found this disconcerting at first but soon got accustomed to looking at mushroom clouds every day. Hey, that’s a pretty one!

Even though our work was secret, everybody in Albuquerque knew what Sandia Base was all about. I was the duty officer one night when the Shriners put on a noisy fireworks display in town, and we got lots of phone calls. No, sir, we are not testing nuclear weapons here. One caller asked in a hushed voice: Is everything all right?

The duty office had an extra telephone for the nuclear weapons hotline. It was an ominous-looking RED phone with a light that flashed whenever it rang. The phone was special because every military unit worldwide that handled nuclear weapons had instructions to call that number immediately in the event of a nuclear accident or incident such as the 1966 crash of a B-52 bomber in Palomares, Spain.

There was nothing special about the phone line, however. It was an ordinary, local telephone number, and once in a while someone would dial it by accident. This would scare the bejesus out of the duty officer, who would follow instructions by picking up the red phone and saying: Do you have a nuclear accident or incident to report? Which would scare the bejesus out of the hapless civilian who just wanted to order a pizza. What size bomb was it, lady?  Pepperoni?

 

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Press freedom and the election

If a tree falls in the forest and the news media ignore it, does it make a sound?

What constitutes news, and how that drives daily editorial decisions, is the subject of philosophic rumination in schools of journalism and daily argument in newsrooms. The foundation of news coverage is the public interest and the right of citizens to know what affects them. This principle is enshrined in countless newspaper mission statements, and even in the code of ethics of the Public Relations Society of America.

Freedom of information is fragile. Repressive governments routinely shut down independent news outlets, reporters are an endangered species in a growing number of countries and some governments are seeking to censor the Internet. One of the pillars of American democracy is the skeptical zeal of journalists and their traditional adversarial relationship with government.

That’s why it’s distressing to see news media in the U.S. squandering their freedom through politically motivated self-censorship. The most flagrant example is the lack of coverage of the terrorist attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya, that killed our ambassador and several others. I’ve come to accept biased and slanted news coverage, but this is more serious: a conscious decision to ignore the questions surrounding a significant incident and effectively suppress the story.

Even if you ignore the political overtones, there is much to question. Instead of issuing the customary noncommittal statement while the facts were being sorted out, the Obama administration immediately blamed the embassy attack on an obscure Internet video. Even though the remarks of the President and other officials were carefully worded enough to avoid outright lies, it appears that their objective was to advance a narrative that is proving to be false.

The major news media accepted that explanation, and the story would have disappeared had it not been for the persistence of Fox News and Republican members of Congress. It’s now apparent that the Libya attack was premeditated, that the U.S. was aware of the danger, and that security and rescue efforts were bungled.

As the facts emerge, the major national media are beginning to give the story minimal, reluctant coverage, perhaps shamed by competition from Fox News. Contrast this with the intense media coverage of the Valerie Plame CIA leak scandal in 2003, when TV crews camped on the front lawns of Bush administration officials. The only explanation for this uncharacteristic lack of curiosity is that the news media are declining to cover the story because it might jeopardize President Obama’s re-election campaign.

One result of the unprecedented romance between this president and most of the news media is the Pravda-like docility of the White House press corps. President Obama has held fewer news conferences than his predecessors, and it has become customary for the Prez to bypass Washington reporters in favor of journalism-free entertainment programs. If Presidents Clinton or Bush had tried this, the press corps would be out for blood.

Even in this environment, the lack of media interest in the Benghazi incident crosses a new line: subordination of the public interest to political advocacy.

The good news is that freedom of information in the United States is self-correcting. If President Obama is re-elected the ideological corruption of the news media will continue, but not for long. Sixty percent of the respondents in a recent Gallup poll now distrust the “mainstream” news media, and the three major networks are losing their audience to Fox News and an army of bloggers. Sooner or later, economics will force the media to return to honest journalism or go out of business.

If Governor Romney is elected, the White House press corps will awake from their slumber and the news media will immediately revert to their traditional adversarial role… just as the Founding Fathers envisioned.

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